FOURTHOUGHT
The 4 Best Years In Benjamin Button's Life
(Remember that year, where he wasn't the same age as everyone else?)
RECIPE OF THE MONTH CLUB
Button Soup (with Real Buttons!)
POP CULTURE FACEOFF
Button-Fly vs. Zipper
(No no no! I have to pee right now!)
BIT LIT
Fuck The Select Button!
SURVIVAL TIPS
How to Lose at "Press Your Luck"
with a Whammy
LOST PAGES
Einstein and the Extra Button Certainty
"...when one's speed surpasses one's capability, one's bottom-most button shall remain unbuttoned..."
10.31.2009
HUMAN VS.
Pea Coats
Pea coats have become one of the most widespread fashion phenomena in recent history. They have crossed the divide of culture and ethnicity. Now, they are at a point where they could reach maximum capacity and explode into oblivion (like ruffled collars) or hibernation (like bell-bottom jeans or mullets).
It is at this maximum capacity that pea coats share their greatest similarity to human beings as both entities reaching a surface tension that calls for an evolution of their current essence or obliteration via nature. Yet, it's time to look, beyond the obvious, at the history and influence humans and pea coats share to identify what kind of connection they have and what it means for their future.
Pea coats first appeared in the 19th century as sailor apparel, getting their name from the coarse cloth used to make them named "pij". They had high collars to protect a sailor from wind and rain and two sets of buttons: one which buttoned and the other for show. The current pea coat is made from wool, a much softer cloth than the classical "pij". The common color was dark blue, but has now been designed with several different colors as the coats are especially popular among women.
The recent popularity of the pea coat is not the first military clothing to catch on in the mainstream. One can't ignore the undulating fanfare of camouflage, combat boots and dog tags among various social groups. Pea coats are only the sign of a continuing infatuation with military fashion.
Why does military dress catch on? There are several possibilities for this. The first one could be financial. Skin heads (the social group, not the racist bastards of the same name) have long sported camouflage and combat boots. As a group born out of the British working class, their bearing of this style of clothing could be that many of them were sailors and they had nothing else. The skin head movement gave this group of sense of pride in their poverty, a sense of righteousness. Also, sailors are traditionally vagrant folk, a consequence of which is their possessions scattered far and wide; ending up in second stores across the nation and ocean. Combine this with the heightened social awareness of the punk movement in Europe and its eventual deterioration: punk becomes punk rock becomes pop punk, thereby spilling its seeds on an unsuspecting younger generation, who share in the current obsession with vintage clothing. Those clothes in the Salvation Army are not just for those running low on cash; they're for the fashionably aware who feel that shabby and/or cheap equal uniqueness. It doesn't necessarily hold water. Still, don't tell that to your friend proudly sporting his new pea coat from the second hand store.
Of course, that seed was watered and soon enough sprouted into fashions in the most expensive boutiques and middle-class clothing chains (American Eagle, GAP, etc.). So, the journey of the pea coat goes from military necessity to cheap warm clothing to high dollar fashion item. It doesn't quite make sense, so let's approach a slightly different way. Humans and pea coats are intimately intertwined and it's all to do with the military.
Consider this idea posed by Adrian R. Lewis in The American Culture of War: "Traumatic events in the life of a nation can produce rapid changes in cultural thinking about war. The effects of Hiroshima and the Tet Offensive were felt decades later, and are still creating waves of influence... Both events, in very different ways, damaged the martial spirit of the American people, and influenced subsequent decisions on war. [A nation's spirit, attitude and willingness] to engage in war can change significantly in relatively short periods of time, particularly if they are reinforced by other cultural tenets."
Perhaps the link between pea coats and human is more symbiotic than relative. In a sense, this is the relation between America and war. The United States was birthed out of rebellion and became a country because of war. In this sense, every new stage of development in America has been because of war (e.g. American Revolution: freedom from England; Civil War: freedom of African Americans; World War I: declaration as world power; World War II: apotheosis to world power, etc.). This mirrors the rhythm of fashion, which adopts styles not according to the whim of a few yuppie New Yorkers, but the momentum of society as a whole (flappers: burgeoning women's liberation movement; tie-dye and bell-bottoms: hippie movement; 80s extravagance: Reganomics' credit card-happy society, etc.) War is the rhythm of America, undulating and barely audible at first. Over time it has developed into something much acerbic.
Not to mention the questionable reputation sailors carry for debauchery, heavy drinking and fighting. As humans develop larger societies with little restraint for some of the marginal members of the world, dissociation must happen to deal with the violence we do live in relative luxury. As it happens politically, it is inevitable that this separation of oneself from what one supports indirectly translates into other arenas such as religion, morals and music (e.g. Examine the deterioration of hip hop's social message to the popularity of Soulja Boy Tell 'Em).
Soulja Boy: Sign of the Apocalypse?
It is interesting that the pea coat has come to symbolize something much softer than war or raucous sailors. Its fabric is even softer. What could this mean?
A past that has brought us human slavery, degradation and death in order to achieve comfort for a select few is not exactly appetizing. In this situation, one either revolts against society, swims in its decadence or works the wrongs into the social fabric. Even the most powerful social wrong will reach maximum density (as more and more people speak against it) and explode in the manner of a supernova (e.g the student movement of the 1960s). And in the manner of such explosions, it reverts to a white dwarf. Its tendrils living in the social universe only as a trend rather than a representation of a tumultuous era where change was possible.
So, the relationship between pea coats and humans is, in fact, symbolic of humans' desire to amalgamate past errors into a current societal construct. This is evident in the popularity of Hummers, war-themed video games and toys, etc. Also, it is brutally evident in human beings' styles. Perhaps a subconscious admission of their own nation's violent past. Perhaps a hedonistic embrace of a society tumbling toward militarism or anarchy.
Of course, there's no reason to be cold or unfashionable in the process.
Pea coats have become one of the most widespread fashion phenomena in recent history. They have crossed the divide of culture and ethnicity. Now, they are at a point where they could reach maximum capacity and explode into oblivion (like ruffled collars) or hibernation (like bell-bottom jeans or mullets).
It is at this maximum capacity that pea coats share their greatest similarity to human beings as both entities reaching a surface tension that calls for an evolution of their current essence or obliteration via nature. Yet, it's time to look, beyond the obvious, at the history and influence humans and pea coats share to identify what kind of connection they have and what it means for their future.
Pea coats first appeared in the 19th century as sailor apparel, getting their name from the coarse cloth used to make them named "pij". They had high collars to protect a sailor from wind and rain and two sets of buttons: one which buttoned and the other for show. The current pea coat is made from wool, a much softer cloth than the classical "pij". The common color was dark blue, but has now been designed with several different colors as the coats are especially popular among women.
The recent popularity of the pea coat is not the first military clothing to catch on in the mainstream. One can't ignore the undulating fanfare of camouflage, combat boots and dog tags among various social groups. Pea coats are only the sign of a continuing infatuation with military fashion. Why does military dress catch on? There are several possibilities for this. The first one could be financial. Skin heads (the social group, not the racist bastards of the same name) have long sported camouflage and combat boots. As a group born out of the British working class, their bearing of this style of clothing could be that many of them were sailors and they had nothing else. The skin head movement gave this group of sense of pride in their poverty, a sense of righteousness. Also, sailors are traditionally vagrant folk, a consequence of which is their possessions scattered far and wide; ending up in second stores across the nation and ocean. Combine this with the heightened social awareness of the punk movement in Europe and its eventual deterioration: punk becomes punk rock becomes pop punk, thereby spilling its seeds on an unsuspecting younger generation, who share in the current obsession with vintage clothing. Those clothes in the Salvation Army are not just for those running low on cash; they're for the fashionably aware who feel that shabby and/or cheap equal uniqueness. It doesn't necessarily hold water. Still, don't tell that to your friend proudly sporting his new pea coat from the second hand store.
Of course, that seed was watered and soon enough sprouted into fashions in the most expensive boutiques and middle-class clothing chains (American Eagle, GAP, etc.). So, the journey of the pea coat goes from military necessity to cheap warm clothing to high dollar fashion item. It doesn't quite make sense, so let's approach a slightly different way. Humans and pea coats are intimately intertwined and it's all to do with the military.
Consider this idea posed by Adrian R. Lewis in The American Culture of War: "Traumatic events in the life of a nation can produce rapid changes in cultural thinking about war. The effects of Hiroshima and the Tet Offensive were felt decades later, and are still creating waves of influence... Both events, in very different ways, damaged the martial spirit of the American people, and influenced subsequent decisions on war. [A nation's spirit, attitude and willingness] to engage in war can change significantly in relatively short periods of time, particularly if they are reinforced by other cultural tenets."
Perhaps the link between pea coats and human is more symbiotic than relative. In a sense, this is the relation between America and war. The United States was birthed out of rebellion and became a country because of war. In this sense, every new stage of development in America has been because of war (e.g. American Revolution: freedom from England; Civil War: freedom of African Americans; World War I: declaration as world power; World War II: apotheosis to world power, etc.). This mirrors the rhythm of fashion, which adopts styles not according to the whim of a few yuppie New Yorkers, but the momentum of society as a whole (flappers: burgeoning women's liberation movement; tie-dye and bell-bottoms: hippie movement; 80s extravagance: Reganomics' credit card-happy society, etc.) War is the rhythm of America, undulating and barely audible at first. Over time it has developed into something much acerbic.
Not to mention the questionable reputation sailors carry for debauchery, heavy drinking and fighting. As humans develop larger societies with little restraint for some of the marginal members of the world, dissociation must happen to deal with the violence we do live in relative luxury. As it happens politically, it is inevitable that this separation of oneself from what one supports indirectly translates into other arenas such as religion, morals and music (e.g. Examine the deterioration of hip hop's social message to the popularity of Soulja Boy Tell 'Em).
Soulja Boy: Sign of the Apocalypse?It is interesting that the pea coat has come to symbolize something much softer than war or raucous sailors. Its fabric is even softer. What could this mean?
A past that has brought us human slavery, degradation and death in order to achieve comfort for a select few is not exactly appetizing. In this situation, one either revolts against society, swims in its decadence or works the wrongs into the social fabric. Even the most powerful social wrong will reach maximum density (as more and more people speak against it) and explode in the manner of a supernova (e.g the student movement of the 1960s). And in the manner of such explosions, it reverts to a white dwarf. Its tendrils living in the social universe only as a trend rather than a representation of a tumultuous era where change was possible.
So, the relationship between pea coats and humans is, in fact, symbolic of humans' desire to amalgamate past errors into a current societal construct. This is evident in the popularity of Hummers, war-themed video games and toys, etc. Also, it is brutally evident in human beings' styles. Perhaps a subconscious admission of their own nation's violent past. Perhaps a hedonistic embrace of a society tumbling toward militarism or anarchy.
Of course, there's no reason to be cold or unfashionable in the process.
10.28.2009
FOURTHOUGHT
Top Four Displaced Agers (Not Including Benjamin Button)
It seems as though the film industry has always had a love affair with out-of-place agers, but what four characters get our vote as some of the best? Lets find out...
Jack Charles Powell - Jack (1996): Robin Williams plays Jack Powell, a kid that suffers from a genetic disorder that makes him age rapidly, 1 year equals 4, kind of like a dog. Francis Ford Coppala (that’s right, the dude that revolutionized mobster cinema) does a great job keeping things heartfelt and family friendly, despite the underlying sexual tension between Jack and his hot 5th grade teacher (Jennifer Lopez) or the ever present fact that Jack totally looks old enough to score his friends alcohol and porn.
(If there's grass on the field Ms. Marquez, play ball.)
Josh Baskins – Big (1988): When 12 year old Josh Baskins made a wish to be big, little did he know he’d create his own toy line, dance on a giant keyboard, or lose his v-card to Elizabeth Perkins. Yeah, being a grown-up is hard…NOT!
(Great job fellas! Now, play Chopin's Prelude Op.28 number 4)
Edward Cullen – Twilight (2008) / New Moon (2009): VAMPIRES DON’T GLITTER! The Twilight film saga plays like a fantasy themed instructional video, teaching an entire generation of young women with low self-esteem how to enter into destructive relationships. At the center of this campaign is James Dean wannabe, Robert Pattinson in the role of Edward. The clever marketing of the book series, a cute cast of young actors, and hip alternative rock soundtracks trick viewers into watching a bloated story line about a 100-year-old vampire trying to resist the stalker-like tendencies of a whiny goth girl.
It seems as though the film industry has always had a love affair with out-of-place agers, but what four characters get our vote as some of the best? Lets find out...
Jack Charles Powell - Jack (1996): Robin Williams plays Jack Powell, a kid that suffers from a genetic disorder that makes him age rapidly, 1 year equals 4, kind of like a dog. Francis Ford Coppala (that’s right, the dude that revolutionized mobster cinema) does a great job keeping things heartfelt and family friendly, despite the underlying sexual tension between Jack and his hot 5th grade teacher (Jennifer Lopez) or the ever present fact that Jack totally looks old enough to score his friends alcohol and porn.
(If there's grass on the field Ms. Marquez, play ball.)Josh Baskins – Big (1988): When 12 year old Josh Baskins made a wish to be big, little did he know he’d create his own toy line, dance on a giant keyboard, or lose his v-card to Elizabeth Perkins. Yeah, being a grown-up is hard…NOT!
(Great job fellas! Now, play Chopin's Prelude Op.28 number 4)Edward Cullen – Twilight (2008) / New Moon (2009): VAMPIRES DON’T GLITTER! The Twilight film saga plays like a fantasy themed instructional video, teaching an entire generation of young women with low self-esteem how to enter into destructive relationships. At the center of this campaign is James Dean wannabe, Robert Pattinson in the role of Edward. The clever marketing of the book series, a cute cast of young actors, and hip alternative rock soundtracks trick viewers into watching a bloated story line about a 100-year-old vampire trying to resist the stalker-like tendencies of a whiny goth girl.
(WWJD - What Would Jacob Do?)
Peter Pan – Peter Pan (1953) / Hook (1991) / Return to Neverland (2002) / Peter Pan (2003): Beloved children’s character, or a scathing commentary about man’s inherent fear of growing-up? J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan has been remade onscreen countless times, proving this story will never get old.
(Forever is an awfully long time...)
HONORABLE MENTION
WALL*E - WALL*E (2008)
(Kicking ass, finding love, and saving humanity at 700 years old, that's a damn fine robot!)
HONORABLE MENTION
WALL*E - WALL*E (2008)
(Kicking ass, finding love, and saving humanity at 700 years old, that's a damn fine robot!)10.26.2009
POP ROOTS
An Accessory To Crime
Batman, bad guys and buttons
Batman is an enigma translated to a new level of mystery with each generation.
With the first generation of his existence, Batman/Bruce Wayne was DC Comics' alternative Superman: a normal human being seeking to right a terrible wrong in his childhood by using his wealth for the good of society.
It's actually a fairy tale we'd all like to see come true: the rich actually enriching society rather than themselves.
With a next generation, Batman incarnated into a slightly darker presence. He still righted wrong, but good and evil began to blur as such well-intentioned individuals (e.g. Catwoman, Poison Ivy) operated under the same vigilante status, but went too far at times with a modus operandi of their personal conviction rather than the good of society (e.g. Catwoman murdering those who commit violence against cats; Poison Ivy killing those who hurt plants).
The most recent generation, with the help of artist Frank Miller, has created a Batman who lives on the edge of being a hero or a menace. Society doesn't know what to make of him. Even as he works for the good of society, he constantly struggles with the desire to fight crime with crime.
This dualism could draw one into any number of observations, but the one to be offered in this post is one of wardrobe; the question of buttons. It's not trivial. Batman's villains are dressed nicely with sequined buttons on their coats (whether the clown costume of the Joker, the three-piece suit of The Penguin or the green sports jacket of The Riddler). Why is this so?
Are the artists attempting to claim some type of ironic dualism? Or, is Batman's skin-tight suit supposed to represent wholeness, while the separated clothing of the villains to represent their fractured nature?
Yes, but there's more.
A consistent trope amongst Batman's villains are their apparent abhorrence to buttoning their buttons. They could very well button their buttons, but they do not.
Why is this important? What does buttoning one's buttons do?
To answer these questions let us take a small tangent.
In recent years, men's fashion has taken a turn toward minimalism and rebellion, most specifically in the realm of formal wear. As it concerns us is the development of three-button suit coats to two-button and now one-button. It doesn't matter what a designer does with buttons style-wise as long as they are present; a buttoned jacket is the quintessential element of formal wear.
What is the symbolism of formal wear for villains and heroes? Perhaps we should ask another question to answer this one: why do we wear formal wear?
Formal wear is worn to special occasions. When one wears a suit, one is saying, 'I am different now. I possess importance and prestige and I give the place I am in importance and prestige.'
Formal wear is a way of announcing one's civility. If the buttoned coat (regardless of button amount) represents civility, then an unbuttoned coat represents incivility. This is the message Batman's criminals are sending: I could choose to be civil, but I am rebelling against the civility because I find a flaw in it or I see gain in opposing it.
Batman treads a thin line in his alter ego, Bruce Wayne. Wayne bears a buttoned up suit, yet (like all human beings) he is always a few buttons away from becoming a rebel, a villain. He is much safer in his alter-ego: the caped crusader because his skin tight suit bears no sign of break. It is also black, quite in line with the long-approved color for formal wear. There are no buttons to snap (in the literal sense) or push (in the metaphorical sense). Here is another interesting dualism. Wayne is closer to becoming a criminal as Wayne than Batman. As it is, this dualism is more internal than external. As Batman he is an honest-to-goodness crime fighter, but as Bruce Wayne there is always the option to become a criminal like all those other nicely-dressed folks.
As the Batman universe has developed though, villains have arisen with skin-tight suits mimicking Batman's. Along with this are villain sidekicks such as Harley Quinn, the Joker's sidekick whose red and black tights are a mockery of Batman's black suit. There is also the transformation of villains' costumes. The buttons are being forsaken for suits that closer resemble Batman's seamless threads. Not to mention the villains on the margin such as Catwoman and Poison Ivy; Anarky also sheds an interesting light on the button debacle as he has the same motive for vigilante justice as Batman, but takes a step farther than Batman would feel comfortable doing.
In other eras of the superhero world, one witnesses this dualism between the leotard and the suit: Spiderman and King Pin, Superman and Lex Luther. However, this fades when one reaches the X-Men universe, Iron Man universe, Hulk universe and so on. What could that mean?
First, it could mean that superheroes are no longer recognized as "super" both in the physical and moral sense. They are human beings just like everyone else.
Second, it could also mean that secret identities are no longer an issue in a culture of celebritism. For instance, take the comic series The Ultimates, where the team of "super"heroes is well-known to the public. It is no longer the lone vigilante separating his/her/itself from the villains and the public in general. They are part of the social mechanism. It is no longer good versus evil, but public worship.
Good and bad are no longer a concern among the public, so identification of such tropes are not important either. In the 21st century, it's no longer a gadget belt or a super power which makes heroes or villains super, it's a PR agent.
Batman, bad guys and buttons
Batman is an enigma translated to a new level of mystery with each generation.
With the first generation of his existence, Batman/Bruce Wayne was DC Comics' alternative Superman: a normal human being seeking to right a terrible wrong in his childhood by using his wealth for the good of society.
It's actually a fairy tale we'd all like to see come true: the rich actually enriching society rather than themselves.
With a next generation, Batman incarnated into a slightly darker presence. He still righted wrong, but good and evil began to blur as such well-intentioned individuals (e.g. Catwoman, Poison Ivy) operated under the same vigilante status, but went too far at times with a modus operandi of their personal conviction rather than the good of society (e.g. Catwoman murdering those who commit violence against cats; Poison Ivy killing those who hurt plants).
The most recent generation, with the help of artist Frank Miller, has created a Batman who lives on the edge of being a hero or a menace. Society doesn't know what to make of him. Even as he works for the good of society, he constantly struggles with the desire to fight crime with crime.
This dualism could draw one into any number of observations, but the one to be offered in this post is one of wardrobe; the question of buttons. It's not trivial. Batman's villains are dressed nicely with sequined buttons on their coats (whether the clown costume of the Joker, the three-piece suit of The Penguin or the green sports jacket of The Riddler). Why is this so?Are the artists attempting to claim some type of ironic dualism? Or, is Batman's skin-tight suit supposed to represent wholeness, while the separated clothing of the villains to represent their fractured nature?
Yes, but there's more.
A consistent trope amongst Batman's villains are their apparent abhorrence to buttoning their buttons. They could very well button their buttons, but they do not.
Why is this important? What does buttoning one's buttons do?
To answer these questions let us take a small tangent.
In recent years, men's fashion has taken a turn toward minimalism and rebellion, most specifically in the realm of formal wear. As it concerns us is the development of three-button suit coats to two-button and now one-button. It doesn't matter what a designer does with buttons style-wise as long as they are present; a buttoned jacket is the quintessential element of formal wear.
What is the symbolism of formal wear for villains and heroes? Perhaps we should ask another question to answer this one: why do we wear formal wear?
Formal wear is worn to special occasions. When one wears a suit, one is saying, 'I am different now. I possess importance and prestige and I give the place I am in importance and prestige.'
Formal wear is a way of announcing one's civility. If the buttoned coat (regardless of button amount) represents civility, then an unbuttoned coat represents incivility. This is the message Batman's criminals are sending: I could choose to be civil, but I am rebelling against the civility because I find a flaw in it or I see gain in opposing it.
Batman treads a thin line in his alter ego, Bruce Wayne. Wayne bears a buttoned up suit, yet (like all human beings) he is always a few buttons away from becoming a rebel, a villain. He is much safer in his alter-ego: the caped crusader because his skin tight suit bears no sign of break. It is also black, quite in line with the long-approved color for formal wear. There are no buttons to snap (in the literal sense) or push (in the metaphorical sense). Here is another interesting dualism. Wayne is closer to becoming a criminal as Wayne than Batman. As it is, this dualism is more internal than external. As Batman he is an honest-to-goodness crime fighter, but as Bruce Wayne there is always the option to become a criminal like all those other nicely-dressed folks.As the Batman universe has developed though, villains have arisen with skin-tight suits mimicking Batman's. Along with this are villain sidekicks such as Harley Quinn, the Joker's sidekick whose red and black tights are a mockery of Batman's black suit. There is also the transformation of villains' costumes. The buttons are being forsaken for suits that closer resemble Batman's seamless threads. Not to mention the villains on the margin such as Catwoman and Poison Ivy; Anarky also sheds an interesting light on the button debacle as he has the same motive for vigilante justice as Batman, but takes a step farther than Batman would feel comfortable doing.
In other eras of the superhero world, one witnesses this dualism between the leotard and the suit: Spiderman and King Pin, Superman and Lex Luther. However, this fades when one reaches the X-Men universe, Iron Man universe, Hulk universe and so on. What could that mean?
First, it could mean that superheroes are no longer recognized as "super" both in the physical and moral sense. They are human beings just like everyone else.
Second, it could also mean that secret identities are no longer an issue in a culture of celebritism. For instance, take the comic series The Ultimates, where the team of "super"heroes is well-known to the public. It is no longer the lone vigilante separating his/her/itself from the villains and the public in general. They are part of the social mechanism. It is no longer good versus evil, but public worship.
Good and bad are no longer a concern among the public, so identification of such tropes are not important either. In the 21st century, it's no longer a gadget belt or a super power which makes heroes or villains super, it's a PR agent.10.24.2009
RECIPE OF THE MONTH CLUB
This month Recipe of the Month Club welcomes renowned genetic scientist Bruce Banner to make his specialty: Gelatin Fruit Salad.
Evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry, but I may seem a bit distracted as I'm doing a bit of sewing. All the buttons seem to have popped off my shirts. Ha ha. I don't know how this happened. They're new shirts. I bought them last week at The Gap. Very nice colors. Earth tones. Calming. Ahhhhh. Deep breaths.
Whoops! Sugarlump almost knocked over the jar of sugar. Come here, Sugarlump. That's a nice kitty. I can't believe you ALMOST did that. That would have made me SO MAD....but no....I'm not mad. Not even close. Look. I'll even give you a little pitty-pat on the head. Nice and soft. Nice...and...soft.... deep breaths...
Evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry, but I may seem a bit distracted as I'm doing a bit of sewing. All the buttons seem to have popped off my shirts. Ha ha. I don't know how this happened. They're new shirts. I bought them last week at The Gap. Very nice colors. Earth tones. Calming. Ahhhhh. Deep breaths.
1 can crushed pineapple, undrained 3 tablespoons white sugar 1 container of green gelatin mix 1 container of frozen whipped topping, thawed
Whoops! Sugarlump almost knocked over the jar of sugar. Come here, Sugarlump. That's a nice kitty. I can't believe you ALMOST did that. That would have made me SO MAD....but no....I'm not mad. Not even close. Look. I'll even give you a little pitty-pat on the head. Nice and soft. Nice...and...soft.... deep breaths...
Mix pineapple and sugar in a medium saucepan and bring to a low boil, stirring occasionally.
Does anyone know where I left the stirring spoon? I swear it was RIGHT HERE. This is unbelievable. I mean, you organize things for a CERTAIN REASON. I just...ahhhh...deep breaths. Sorry about that. Look. I'm almost done. I'm sewing up the last shirt and...oh! There's the spoon. I couldn't see it because Sugarlump was in the way. Now we can start stirring. You know, the doctors say stirring liquid and petting you Missus Sugarlump are the best ways to relieve stress. I think so, too...
Stir in gelatin until completely dissolved.
I KNOW I put the gelatin RIGHT HERE. I can't believe this. WHERE THE HELL IS IT? Did I put it behind the toaster? Hold on. I think I see it and - OW ! GODDAMMIT! STUPID TABLE LEG! I STUBBED MY TOE ON THAT STUPID TABLE LEG! THIS WHOLE STUPID...whoa. Let's sit back down and calm ourselves. Eh, Missus Sugarlump? Here. Sit in my lap. Yes. Look the shirt is done! That's all of them. What do we say about trying on this shirt? Here we go. Ahhhh....fits just like new. Boy, it sure did hurt when I stubbed my toe. Deep breaths...
Remove from heat, and cool to room temperature.
OH GREAT! JUST GREAT! I finally find the gelatin and it EXPLODES when I OPEN it! This is perfect. Just perfect. Now what am I going to put in the salad to make it congeal? HUH? HUH, YOU STUPID CAT? AHHH! THE WATER'S BOILING! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! WHO THE HELL PUT IT ON HIGH?
Refrigerate 1 hour, or until partially set.
Refrigerate 1 hour, or until partially set.
Move CAT! I'm trying to turn the STOVE OFF - AHHH! GOD DAMN YOU CAT! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL! BOILING WATER ALL OVER MY ARM. DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS? HUH? WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW....oh goodness. I better get myself some...first...aid. Ahem. Sorry for the outburst Missus Sugarlump. Luckily, we have some Gelatin Fruit Salad we made earlier congealing in the fridge. Let's get it.
Gently fold in whipped topping.
As you can see I've chosen to mold it into the classic dome shape before I put whipped...WHOA! OW! Missus Sugarlump, what have I told you about getting under my feet and...oh my God. The fruit salad. All over the FLOOR. It's RUINED. It's...it's...AGGGGHHHHHHHHH!
Pour mixture into a lightly oiled gelatin mold.
HULK SMASH! HULK SMASH! HULK GRAB! SMASH KITTY! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!
Refrigerate 8 hours, or until completely set.
BAD KITTY! HULK BITE! EAT KITTY! CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP! EAT GLASS! HULK EAT GLASS! EAT TABLE! EAT SHIRTS! EAT BUTTONS! EAT BUTTONS! CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP!
Thanks so much, Bruce! Join us next month for another installment of the Recipe of the Month Club.
Thanks so much, Bruce! Join us next month for another installment of the Recipe of the Month Club.
10.23.2009
BIT LIT
Bye-Bye Buttons?
The phenomenon of the vanishing button is a relatively new one.
Well, actually, it's very new. Let's take a step back.
When the Nintendo 64 was announced and the controller for it unveiled, it looked like a monster. The first release in that generation of gaming, the controller stepped far beyond what the world was used to, as far as number of buttons goes. Previously, consoles only had a few buttons: NES 2, SEGA Genesis 3, SNES 4 (not counting the 2 shoulder buttons, which really were just kind of...there), but the Nintendo 64 controller was home to 7 buttons, plus the shoulder buttons (which became very useful), giving us a total of 9 buttons. NINE! What were we to do with only ten fingers?
Other systems that followed, followed suit. Sony's Dual Analog controller had 8, the original XBOX controller had 8, and even Nintendo's GameCube controller had 8, if you consider the C-stick a button, but it's a stick, so we'll just go with 7. The numbers are quite staggering.
This overabundance of buttons led many non-gamers to take on this belief:
VIDEO GAMES ARE TOO HARD BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY BUTTONS TO USE.
In fact, they may have been right. When a developer was faced with so many options, games were often left either unfinished or were too convoluted to really enjoy, due to having so many options for actions that could be assigned to separate buttons. The idea that "less is more" began to seep into the mindset of millions of nonbelievers, and the divide between gamers and nons became stark.
Enter the Wii. In the fall of 2006, Microsoft's XBOX 360 was a year old. Sony released its PlayStation 3, and two days later, Nintendo released the Wii. The 360 was aimed at people who gamed but wanted better graphics, and its controller regularly used 8 buttons. The PS3 was aimed at people who gamed but wanted better graphics in the form of Blu-Ray, and its controller regularly used 8 buttons. The Wii was aimed at people who gamed and people who didn't or hadn't in a long time, and its controller regularly used 2 to 4 buttons, half (or a quarter) of the competition's.
The Wii utilized motion control, thanks to tiny gyroscopes inside of the Wii remote. The addition of the nunchuk controller added another motion sensor (and a couple rarely-used buttons), and video games changed forever. Gone were the days when gaming was inaccessible due to complexity. A simple flick of the wrist would control a character, and suddenly, everyone's a gamer. (Tangent: Just because you play Wii, doesn't make you a "gamer." Being a gamer is more than just playing shit like Wii Sports.)
The Wii became the market leader, very quickly. Touted as the family machine, the Wii took over the mainstream perception of gaming, and the competition took notice. Sony added a motion mechanic to its DualShock controller (now in its third iteration), and also announced a wand-like device that would interact with the PS3 much like the Wii Remote interacts with the Wii system. The buttons do exist on the controller, but according to early tech demos, the movement is the primary control.
Microsoft is going one step further to eliminate button-mashing, with Project Natal. Natal (pronounced nuh-TAHL, which is definitely not how it looks) is a device that picks up full range movement of the human body without controllers at all. The tech behind it is still under wraps, but early demos show a person, with no controller, playing a game by using their whole body. The person becomes the controller.
Both the PS3 and the 360 devices are due in 2010.
What does this say about the button? Is it going away forever? Hardly. These new devices are simply add-ons to the current system layouts, and the Wii even has add-ons to play classic games, plus the ancillary buttons are used in more complex games (such as Metroid Prime: Trilogy). The use of the button will likely be split up into three sets of people:
1. Families who just got back into video games: Very little use of the buttons; in love with motion control.
2. "Hardcore" gamers: Very little-to-no use of motion control; in love with complex button-mashing.
3. True gamers: Embrace both forms of control; in love with the artform.
Sadly, this divide may come true. There will be cross-sections of people that won't agree on the best way to play, but there is something good to draw from this: The gaming industry, a once-struggling outlet, has become one of the biggest markets in modern commerce, and continues to grow. By mediating how the button is used, gaming can progress, and more and more people will be converted from cynics to believers.
The phenomenon of the vanishing button is a relatively new one.
Well, actually, it's very new. Let's take a step back.
When the Nintendo 64 was announced and the controller for it unveiled, it looked like a monster. The first release in that generation of gaming, the controller stepped far beyond what the world was used to, as far as number of buttons goes. Previously, consoles only had a few buttons: NES 2, SEGA Genesis 3, SNES 4 (not counting the 2 shoulder buttons, which really were just kind of...there), but the Nintendo 64 controller was home to 7 buttons, plus the shoulder buttons (which became very useful), giving us a total of 9 buttons. NINE! What were we to do with only ten fingers?
Other systems that followed, followed suit. Sony's Dual Analog controller had 8, the original XBOX controller had 8, and even Nintendo's GameCube controller had 8, if you consider the C-stick a button, but it's a stick, so we'll just go with 7. The numbers are quite staggering.
This overabundance of buttons led many non-gamers to take on this belief:
VIDEO GAMES ARE TOO HARD BECAUSE THERE ARE TOO MANY BUTTONS TO USE.
In fact, they may have been right. When a developer was faced with so many options, games were often left either unfinished or were too convoluted to really enjoy, due to having so many options for actions that could be assigned to separate buttons. The idea that "less is more" began to seep into the mindset of millions of nonbelievers, and the divide between gamers and nons became stark.
Enter the Wii. In the fall of 2006, Microsoft's XBOX 360 was a year old. Sony released its PlayStation 3, and two days later, Nintendo released the Wii. The 360 was aimed at people who gamed but wanted better graphics, and its controller regularly used 8 buttons. The PS3 was aimed at people who gamed but wanted better graphics in the form of Blu-Ray, and its controller regularly used 8 buttons. The Wii was aimed at people who gamed and people who didn't or hadn't in a long time, and its controller regularly used 2 to 4 buttons, half (or a quarter) of the competition's.
The Wii utilized motion control, thanks to tiny gyroscopes inside of the Wii remote. The addition of the nunchuk controller added another motion sensor (and a couple rarely-used buttons), and video games changed forever. Gone were the days when gaming was inaccessible due to complexity. A simple flick of the wrist would control a character, and suddenly, everyone's a gamer. (Tangent: Just because you play Wii, doesn't make you a "gamer." Being a gamer is more than just playing shit like Wii Sports.)
The Wii became the market leader, very quickly. Touted as the family machine, the Wii took over the mainstream perception of gaming, and the competition took notice. Sony added a motion mechanic to its DualShock controller (now in its third iteration), and also announced a wand-like device that would interact with the PS3 much like the Wii Remote interacts with the Wii system. The buttons do exist on the controller, but according to early tech demos, the movement is the primary control.
Microsoft is going one step further to eliminate button-mashing, with Project Natal. Natal (pronounced nuh-TAHL, which is definitely not how it looks) is a device that picks up full range movement of the human body without controllers at all. The tech behind it is still under wraps, but early demos show a person, with no controller, playing a game by using their whole body. The person becomes the controller.
Both the PS3 and the 360 devices are due in 2010.
What does this say about the button? Is it going away forever? Hardly. These new devices are simply add-ons to the current system layouts, and the Wii even has add-ons to play classic games, plus the ancillary buttons are used in more complex games (such as Metroid Prime: Trilogy). The use of the button will likely be split up into three sets of people:
1. Families who just got back into video games: Very little use of the buttons; in love with motion control.
2. "Hardcore" gamers: Very little-to-no use of motion control; in love with complex button-mashing.
3. True gamers: Embrace both forms of control; in love with the artform.
Sadly, this divide may come true. There will be cross-sections of people that won't agree on the best way to play, but there is something good to draw from this: The gaming industry, a once-struggling outlet, has become one of the biggest markets in modern commerce, and continues to grow. By mediating how the button is used, gaming can progress, and more and more people will be converted from cynics to believers.
10.21.2009
WHY YOU SHOULD
WHY YOU SHOULD
Stop watching Glee
Glee is what's wrong with the entertainment industry today. What is old becomes new again, or recycled. In the world of green living, making the most of what we've got has become just rehashing the same old thing. Movie sequels and reboots dominate the landscape, major label acts reissue their albums with new tracks tacked on, and TV shows have better ratings in DVD sales. Glee takes it a step further, and remakes music that hasn't even left the front of our minds. Granted, that girl with the dark hair has pipes, and the teacher is fun in that reformed-dork way, but the music stylings are surprisingly stale for something that has been so meticulously picked over and polished. For a show so hell-bent on making high-school choir seem cool, all coolness is lost in the music area. The show could have easily made the vocal quality of the songs sound live, as if it's actually being sung in the room where the scenes are taking place. But, FOX went the route of recording in the studio, editing the voices to blend perfectly, and even going so far as to add voices that aren't possibly there. Glee also repackages hits from as far back from the seventies to even last year, all with that pop-gloss sheen we all know and (ahem) love. Glee further fuels the notion that people will buy things that are old and comfortable rather than intriguing and new, as evidenced by the download charts. Sure, the voices are shimmery: they're damn near metallic, as reworking in the studio removes life from the performance. We might as well be paying robots to make our music for us. I'm looking at you, AutoTune.
Stop watching Glee
Glee is what's wrong with the entertainment industry today. What is old becomes new again, or recycled. In the world of green living, making the most of what we've got has become just rehashing the same old thing. Movie sequels and reboots dominate the landscape, major label acts reissue their albums with new tracks tacked on, and TV shows have better ratings in DVD sales. Glee takes it a step further, and remakes music that hasn't even left the front of our minds. Granted, that girl with the dark hair has pipes, and the teacher is fun in that reformed-dork way, but the music stylings are surprisingly stale for something that has been so meticulously picked over and polished. For a show so hell-bent on making high-school choir seem cool, all coolness is lost in the music area. The show could have easily made the vocal quality of the songs sound live, as if it's actually being sung in the room where the scenes are taking place. But, FOX went the route of recording in the studio, editing the voices to blend perfectly, and even going so far as to add voices that aren't possibly there. Glee also repackages hits from as far back from the seventies to even last year, all with that pop-gloss sheen we all know and (ahem) love. Glee further fuels the notion that people will buy things that are old and comfortable rather than intriguing and new, as evidenced by the download charts. Sure, the voices are shimmery: they're damn near metallic, as reworking in the studio removes life from the performance. We might as well be paying robots to make our music for us. I'm looking at you, AutoTune.
10.19.2009
EDITOR'S NOTE
by Donnie Quist
…the phone rings, it’s my mother. “You need counseling to control your anger.” I hear my wife crying in the background; she’s afraid of me. Buttons, I’ve got ‘em and they’re easy to push. I am irascible, effortlessly provoked to anger. Scenarios like this have become painfully routine. Last time I broke the stove, before that my mother’s car window, today I’ve smashed the door of the restaurant supply closet and shattered a vase. She told me she’s not sure if we should be together anymore, that hurt so I wanted to hurt something else. Something feels like it's fallen off; at this rate it’ll be my right hand. I have to shove them in my pockets whenever I’m speaking to a co-worker, to keep them from noticing the blood on my knuckles, to keep them from discovering I’m a psycho. I hate everyone, but not as much as I hate myself. I’m scared I always have and always will. I used to be better at hiding it but now… I cry in the shower for no reason. Hot boiling tears of rage bead up like the tap water, ready to be wiped over with a towel. The wetness is still there, the moisture never leaves and I'm starting to grow mold. I don’t address the phenomenon, I never have. But lately it seems like the anger is more engulfing; I'm drowning in it. My buttons are popping from my mouth. My speech is often laconic and ambiguous, revealing how little interest I have in anyone whose plight I deem less impressive than my own. And my wife, she’s the victim. The only person on the Earth I can stand to spend more than a couple of hours with, and my anger threatens to put an end to something I’ve always wanted. Before her I always felt alone, and nothing, not the hatred or the rage or the anger or the fury is going to keep her away from me. I’ve found a way to express my appreciation. I’m helping her build her dream, watching it grow everyday and I’ll be damned if my inadequacies make me miss it. I’ll figure out how to button myself back up, make myself a little more presentable. I kick thoughtlessly at the ceramic shards sprayed across the floor of her restaurant. The broken pieces shout, "Donald Quist was here." I try to work up the nerve to apologize. (It’s always the hardest part.) I find the words, ask my mother to give us a second alone, our thousandth, then let her know how much I can’t stand to live without her. She tells me I need help – she’s improvising, breaking from the usual script. I want to whisper her lines to her, “this is the part when you forgive me and tell me everything’s going to be okay and we’ll always be together because you see promise in my eyes and know deep down the man that I can be if only I apply myself a little more.” She stands with arms folded, it’s an ultimatum. I want to rip her apart. I pause for a moment and realize that’s not normal. It’s not normal to feel this way about someone you care about and perhaps it’s not everyone else. Maybe it’s me. I'm a button coming lose, dangling by a thread...
…the phone rings, it’s my mother. “You need counseling to control your anger.” I hear my wife crying in the background; she’s afraid of me. Buttons, I’ve got ‘em and they’re easy to push. I am irascible, effortlessly provoked to anger. Scenarios like this have become painfully routine. Last time I broke the stove, before that my mother’s car window, today I’ve smashed the door of the restaurant supply closet and shattered a vase. She told me she’s not sure if we should be together anymore, that hurt so I wanted to hurt something else. Something feels like it's fallen off; at this rate it’ll be my right hand. I have to shove them in my pockets whenever I’m speaking to a co-worker, to keep them from noticing the blood on my knuckles, to keep them from discovering I’m a psycho. I hate everyone, but not as much as I hate myself. I’m scared I always have and always will. I used to be better at hiding it but now… I cry in the shower for no reason. Hot boiling tears of rage bead up like the tap water, ready to be wiped over with a towel. The wetness is still there, the moisture never leaves and I'm starting to grow mold. I don’t address the phenomenon, I never have. But lately it seems like the anger is more engulfing; I'm drowning in it. My buttons are popping from my mouth. My speech is often laconic and ambiguous, revealing how little interest I have in anyone whose plight I deem less impressive than my own. And my wife, she’s the victim. The only person on the Earth I can stand to spend more than a couple of hours with, and my anger threatens to put an end to something I’ve always wanted. Before her I always felt alone, and nothing, not the hatred or the rage or the anger or the fury is going to keep her away from me. I’ve found a way to express my appreciation. I’m helping her build her dream, watching it grow everyday and I’ll be damned if my inadequacies make me miss it. I’ll figure out how to button myself back up, make myself a little more presentable. I kick thoughtlessly at the ceramic shards sprayed across the floor of her restaurant. The broken pieces shout, "Donald Quist was here." I try to work up the nerve to apologize. (It’s always the hardest part.) I find the words, ask my mother to give us a second alone, our thousandth, then let her know how much I can’t stand to live without her. She tells me I need help – she’s improvising, breaking from the usual script. I want to whisper her lines to her, “this is the part when you forgive me and tell me everything’s going to be okay and we’ll always be together because you see promise in my eyes and know deep down the man that I can be if only I apply myself a little more.” She stands with arms folded, it’s an ultimatum. I want to rip her apart. I pause for a moment and realize that’s not normal. It’s not normal to feel this way about someone you care about and perhaps it’s not everyone else. Maybe it’s me. I'm a button coming lose, dangling by a thread...
10.18.2009
THE MAN SOGYNIST
Sexist Sewing
Buttons and the big phallic ceiling separating women from equality
I'm not one to be a bitch, but what's happening with womyn's clothing is RIDICULOUS.
Let's not even speak about the tiny sizes these MALE OPERATED COMPANIES (BY-THE-WAY) make so you feel like a balloon just because you don't wear a size ZERO. I mean, I've got kids, okay? Albeit, I adopted Okerie Okerie from Nigeria, but still - parenting can put on a few pounds.
NO, I'm not even going to touch that topic.
What I'm speaking of today is the Victorian chauvinism still running rampant through the clothing industry. Listen, just because a designer's gay DOESN'T MEAN he still doesn't have the capability of being a complete ASSHOLE.
Maybe most of you womyn don't realize this, but there's a subtle attempt to put us back in the kitchen shoeless and apron-wearing.
Next time, you're buttoning up your shirt, pay attention to what side those little joys of yonic sensibility are on. Then, order any man near you to show you one of his shirts.
They're on different sides.
This may not bother some of you. Some of you are fit to play Sally SHIT-STAIN, pop out kid after kid because your husband/boyfriend doesn't believe in birth control, become anorexic to fit some porn star perfect body and have anal sex.
Is that what you want? To set things back about thirty, forty years?
If that's what you want to do, then be my guest - but you're putting a dick-sized roadblock in the way of progress and you're being an absolute (and I hate using this word) CUNT.
Listen, this system was set up during a time when womyn were dressed by maids. Men didn't think we had the mental capability to button our own clothes.
Imagine the audacity, but who's got the upper hand now, huh? We've got the jobs, fuckers! Men are sitting at home watching The View, while we're making the big dough!
Anyway, you may think I'm being a bit outlandish. What's the big deal? It's just a different side. Is that what you really think?
This is Jim Crow! Apartheid! But it's more subtle than that. Instead of being separated, excluded from the finer treatments of society out-right, we're being set up for a fall. It starts with buttons on different sides, then it moves to pants that zip and button on the hip and t-shirts with built-in corsets... before you know it we're back to the 1950s, womyn lose the right to vote and men are slapping us over the head with mallets to bring us back to their caves.
It can't happen.
Fight back. A change has to occur. We came close with Hillary, but America wasn't ready yet. So, we have to MAKE them ready. We have to show them that until they change this sexist buttoning system we're buying zippered clothing, seamless clothing. We could even have a NUDE MARCH on Washington D.C. to demonstrate how sick we are of being treated like objects, like lesser-thans.
This buttoning system is just another inference by THE PATRIARCHY that we can't do things for ourselves. Womyn already earn less than men. We have more jobs now (but watch what happens when the recession ends). The military sort-of treats us like the same until you realize all the HORRIBLE things that we tolerate within its confines.
It seems small, but fighting against this button system is the first step to cleaning everything up.
It's like Susan, the president of my Womyn's Reading Group says, "Lose the mop, lose the bucket and tell the men to suck it."
I'm off!
Buttons and the big phallic ceiling separating women from equality
I'm not one to be a bitch, but what's happening with womyn's clothing is RIDICULOUS.
Let's not even speak about the tiny sizes these MALE OPERATED COMPANIES (BY-THE-WAY) make so you feel like a balloon just because you don't wear a size ZERO. I mean, I've got kids, okay? Albeit, I adopted Okerie Okerie from Nigeria, but still - parenting can put on a few pounds.
NO, I'm not even going to touch that topic.
What I'm speaking of today is the Victorian chauvinism still running rampant through the clothing industry. Listen, just because a designer's gay DOESN'T MEAN he still doesn't have the capability of being a complete ASSHOLE. Maybe most of you womyn don't realize this, but there's a subtle attempt to put us back in the kitchen shoeless and apron-wearing.
Next time, you're buttoning up your shirt, pay attention to what side those little joys of yonic sensibility are on. Then, order any man near you to show you one of his shirts.
They're on different sides.
This may not bother some of you. Some of you are fit to play Sally SHIT-STAIN, pop out kid after kid because your husband/boyfriend doesn't believe in birth control, become anorexic to fit some porn star perfect body and have anal sex.Is that what you want? To set things back about thirty, forty years?
If that's what you want to do, then be my guest - but you're putting a dick-sized roadblock in the way of progress and you're being an absolute (and I hate using this word) CUNT.
Listen, this system was set up during a time when womyn were dressed by maids. Men didn't think we had the mental capability to button our own clothes.
Imagine the audacity, but who's got the upper hand now, huh? We've got the jobs, fuckers! Men are sitting at home watching The View, while we're making the big dough!
Anyway, you may think I'm being a bit outlandish. What's the big deal? It's just a different side. Is that what you really think?
This is Jim Crow! Apartheid! But it's more subtle than that. Instead of being separated, excluded from the finer treatments of society out-right, we're being set up for a fall. It starts with buttons on different sides, then it moves to pants that zip and button on the hip and t-shirts with built-in corsets... before you know it we're back to the 1950s, womyn lose the right to vote and men are slapping us over the head with mallets to bring us back to their caves.It can't happen.
Fight back. A change has to occur. We came close with Hillary, but America wasn't ready yet. So, we have to MAKE them ready. We have to show them that until they change this sexist buttoning system we're buying zippered clothing, seamless clothing. We could even have a NUDE MARCH on Washington D.C. to demonstrate how sick we are of being treated like objects, like lesser-thans.
This buttoning system is just another inference by THE PATRIARCHY that we can't do things for ourselves. Womyn already earn less than men. We have more jobs now (but watch what happens when the recession ends). The military sort-of treats us like the same until you realize all the HORRIBLE things that we tolerate within its confines.
It seems small, but fighting against this button system is the first step to cleaning everything up.
It's like Susan, the president of my Womyn's Reading Group says, "Lose the mop, lose the bucket and tell the men to suck it."
I'm off!
10.17.2009
10.14.2009
THE LOST PAGES
Zippers
by Mahatma Gandhi
I have friends in America who often tell me of the efficiency of their zippers. They say their zippers have allowed them to dress quicker, with more accuracy and even the French have held a contest which proves the superiority of zippers in prevention of exposing the inner contents of one's trousers.
It surprises many Western friends when I say zippers are an indication of the ignorance and sickness present within their society.
Simplicity, as I often expressed to you, my friends, is essential to healing your society. Again, I say much can be learned from the example from India, which struck a blow to the British Empire by making their own clothes. It is why a spinning wheel is on our flag. It is why I, until the day of my death, shall wear a dhoti made by the poorest children of India.
Though my Western friends worry of how they will survive without their metal clasps and worry they are only encouraging the violence already deep within their culture, I say there is an alternative in buttons.
Westerners, especially Americans, may find this difficult. Yet, buttons are the path toward truth. Your religion and your god once said the way to true truth is difficult and few will find it.
The truth is nonviolence and the path to nonviolence begins with buttons. Zippers adhere cold metal claws to the fabric, yet buttons are sewn into the fabric. There is a bond between the buttons and the coat. Often, some worshipers in my ashram would appear with zippers on their clothing. Nothing was said to them, but one could see with what thoughtlessness they clasped their clothing.
Although one may zip up one's trousers all the way, the mindfulness to zip one's trousers is lost.
Zippers lead to only further mindlessness and if one is unable to be aware of oneself while zipping one's trousers, then how can one have the awareness to achieve peace?
by Mahatma Gandhi
I have friends in America who often tell me of the efficiency of their zippers. They say their zippers have allowed them to dress quicker, with more accuracy and even the French have held a contest which proves the superiority of zippers in prevention of exposing the inner contents of one's trousers.
It surprises many Western friends when I say zippers are an indication of the ignorance and sickness present within their society.
Simplicity, as I often expressed to you, my friends, is essential to healing your society. Again, I say much can be learned from the example from India, which struck a blow to the British Empire by making their own clothes. It is why a spinning wheel is on our flag. It is why I, until the day of my death, shall wear a dhoti made by the poorest children of India.
Though my Western friends worry of how they will survive without their metal clasps and worry they are only encouraging the violence already deep within their culture, I say there is an alternative in buttons.
Westerners, especially Americans, may find this difficult. Yet, buttons are the path toward truth. Your religion and your god once said the way to true truth is difficult and few will find it.
The truth is nonviolence and the path to nonviolence begins with buttons. Zippers adhere cold metal claws to the fabric, yet buttons are sewn into the fabric. There is a bond between the buttons and the coat. Often, some worshipers in my ashram would appear with zippers on their clothing. Nothing was said to them, but one could see with what thoughtlessness they clasped their clothing.
Although one may zip up one's trousers all the way, the mindfulness to zip one's trousers is lost.
Zippers lead to only further mindlessness and if one is unable to be aware of oneself while zipping one's trousers, then how can one have the awareness to achieve peace?
10.13.2009
EDITOR'S NOTE
The Meek Shall Inherit...Buttons? Not Really.
by Nick Hilbourn
Buttons mean action to me. They mean achievement.
I remember when I was in elementary school there was a program for those who made all A's to receive a "Block A" button. This button allowed one to get an extra dessert, Kool-Aid instead of milk and cut the front of the lunch line.
Basically, it meant you were better than other people because you were smarter.
It's a good lesson to be learned in elementary school: some people are going to get more stuff than us because they're more important.
This lesson has served me well long past elementary school.
Except, the button is on another and not me.
The metaphorical "Block A" button is rampant through every society, even in one which paints itself as a democracy. Yet, the "Block A" buttons are not on the smartest but the prettiest, the richest and the luckiest.
The smart people get pushed to the margin, resigned to the inner section of the New York Times (and COMPLETELY forgotten by Esquire).
Is it good? Is it unfair? Do I really think my three pounds of brains deserve a little recognition?
Sure. Maybe.
Then again, I remember that section in the Bible about the rich man receiving adulation from his enormous donation to the temple.
He had received his reward.
"Block A" in adulthood may mean riches, fame and attention, but those who live for a button will fall by a button.
And buttons are always popping off.
by Nick Hilbourn
Buttons mean action to me. They mean achievement.
I remember when I was in elementary school there was a program for those who made all A's to receive a "Block A" button. This button allowed one to get an extra dessert, Kool-Aid instead of milk and cut the front of the lunch line.
Basically, it meant you were better than other people because you were smarter.
It's a good lesson to be learned in elementary school: some people are going to get more stuff than us because they're more important.
This lesson has served me well long past elementary school.
Except, the button is on another and not me.
The metaphorical "Block A" button is rampant through every society, even in one which paints itself as a democracy. Yet, the "Block A" buttons are not on the smartest but the prettiest, the richest and the luckiest.
The smart people get pushed to the margin, resigned to the inner section of the New York Times (and COMPLETELY forgotten by Esquire).
Is it good? Is it unfair? Do I really think my three pounds of brains deserve a little recognition?
Sure. Maybe.
Then again, I remember that section in the Bible about the rich man receiving adulation from his enormous donation to the temple.
He had received his reward.
"Block A" in adulthood may mean riches, fame and attention, but those who live for a button will fall by a button.
And buttons are always popping off.
10.10.2009
10.07.2009
SURVIVAL TIPS
Flair
with James, The First Scene Kid
RAAAAWR!
*Cough* *Cough*
Ahem.
*Cough*
All right now. It's time to set some of you straight. I've seen you scenes with your bouffant hairdos and black eyeliner, but where's your flair, huh?
Ha. You think I don't know? You think I'm not in?
I know the deal and I gotta say it's, like, reeaaally unchill that none of you are wearing your flair.
Maybe you think you don't need it, but, like, you do.
I remember when if you didn't have any flair on your clothes, then you had some on your bag or on your backpack. That's the way it WAS. We went to Hot Topic ALL THE TIME and we actually KNEW bands. We didn't just cruise their MYSPACES. What the hell is MySpace anyway? Sounds, like, something, you know, unchill.
I remember when I got backstage to see The Cure. Totaaaally scene. It was different back then. You didn't have Wikipedia to look up your bands. You had to GO to the show and LISTEN to the albums and BUY the fan mags. But we weren't fan boys. We were fucking hard. I had JNCO jeans, a STUSSY wallet with a chain on it, jet black hair with highlights of white on the tips AND I used maaaad hair gel.
You shoulda seen it.
Our flair was off the chaiiiiin. I had three Smashing Pumpkins pieces, four Counting Crows pieces and a half dozen Simpsons pieces. Plus, I had this RAD Marliyn Manson one.
You shoulda been there. I was super chill. Super, like, SUPER CHILL!
I don't even care. Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
You guys don't even know.
But seriously, I'm gonna help you out. Like, you need flair anywhere you can fit it. It's like DEF to have it on your shirt or coat, but you should have it on your bag or purse, too.
It needs to be different kinds, too. You can't just have band flair. Like, me, I had this one piece of flair. It was, like, "EET MEET".
LOL! Like, it was so clever. People were all up on my prerogative.
Sh'yeeeeeaaaaah.
So, you need to do that and then you'll really be scene.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater.
with James, The First Scene Kid
RAAAAWR!
*Cough* *Cough*
Ahem.
*Cough*
All right now. It's time to set some of you straight. I've seen you scenes with your bouffant hairdos and black eyeliner, but where's your flair, huh?
Ha. You think I don't know? You think I'm not in?
I know the deal and I gotta say it's, like, reeaaally unchill that none of you are wearing your flair.
Maybe you think you don't need it, but, like, you do.
I remember when if you didn't have any flair on your clothes, then you had some on your bag or on your backpack. That's the way it WAS. We went to Hot Topic ALL THE TIME and we actually KNEW bands. We didn't just cruise their MYSPACES. What the hell is MySpace anyway? Sounds, like, something, you know, unchill.
I remember when I got backstage to see The Cure. Totaaaally scene. It was different back then. You didn't have Wikipedia to look up your bands. You had to GO to the show and LISTEN to the albums and BUY the fan mags. But we weren't fan boys. We were fucking hard. I had JNCO jeans, a STUSSY wallet with a chain on it, jet black hair with highlights of white on the tips AND I used maaaad hair gel.
You shoulda seen it.
Our flair was off the chaiiiiin. I had three Smashing Pumpkins pieces, four Counting Crows pieces and a half dozen Simpsons pieces. Plus, I had this RAD Marliyn Manson one.
You shoulda been there. I was super chill. Super, like, SUPER CHILL!
I don't even care. Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
You guys don't even know.
But seriously, I'm gonna help you out. Like, you need flair anywhere you can fit it. It's like DEF to have it on your shirt or coat, but you should have it on your bag or purse, too.
It needs to be different kinds, too. You can't just have band flair. Like, me, I had this one piece of flair. It was, like, "EET MEET".
LOL! Like, it was so clever. People were all up on my prerogative.
Sh'yeeeeeaaaaah.
So, you need to do that and then you'll really be scene.
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater.
10.06.2009
SOUND WAVES
Let's push some buttons on that calculator!
CURRENT HIT SONG FORMULAS
as of October 5, 2009
(Data from iTunes)
1
Miley Cyrus - Party In The U.S.A.
Wal-Mart overexposure
+
Nonsense lyrics
-
She's not old enough to go to a club!
=
Goddammit, this song is catchy.
2
Jason DeRulo - Whatcha Say
Rap Beats/Autotune
+
An actual melody
x
Imogen Heap
=
Finally something listenable on the radio.
3
Owl City - Fireflies
Great production
+
Awesome lyrics
x
Relient K connection
=
Music too good to be abused by mainstream.
4
Jay Sean (feat. Lil Wayne) - Down
I think I've heard this before
/
This sounds just like another song
/
Yeah, this has definitely been done
=
...How is this the #4 song?
5
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
This song really isn't that bad
-
Jesus Christ, she is weird
/
I've seen it performed live
=
Never go to a Lady Gaga show.
6
Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
Your mom's gonna love it
x
ABC
/
There's only one real verse
=
We make it so easy for people to get rich.
7
Jay-Z (feat. Rihanna & Kanye West) - Run This Town
A song that backs up the cockiness
+
Hella good production
/
Isn't he like 40 now?
=
A standout from the pack.
8
Iyaz - Replay
Looks like Chris Brown
-
Sounds like Sean Kingston
-
Sounds more like Jesse McCartney
=
Somebody stop this.
9
Mariah Carey - Obsessed
Synth hits
x
Eminem
/
Credibility
=
Who's telling the truth?
10
Jay-Z (feat. Alicia Keys) - New York State Of Mind
VMA hype
-
Lil Mama
/
5 Boroughs
=
Location love songs don't mean much to outsiders.
11
Glee Cast - Somebody To Love
Queen
+
High school choir
+
How many people are singing?
=
The Glee club sure got popular quickly.
12
Carrie Underwood - Cowboy Casanova
Bad guy
x
Girl power
x
Fiddles
=
Before He Cheats 2.0
13
Beyonce - Sweet Dreams
"Beautiful nightmare"
-
Eurhythmics
-
Beautiful
=
Nightmare.
14
Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me
Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you
+
And I'mma let you finish
+
But
=
This is one of the most satisfying chart rebounds of all time.
15
Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey (I Love You)
American reggae
+
Catchy chorus
x
This is their 6th album?!
=
One of the best songs to come from nowhere in a long time.
16
Justin Beiber - One Time
Wait wait
x
Wait a minute
x
Wait just one damn minute
=
THIS IS A GUY?
17
Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody
Years in the business
x
Style of their own
/
Multiple radio outlet appeal
=
A lot of new Leon fans.
18
Shakira - She-Wolf
No vocal talent
+
Terrible melody
x
Drastically morphed vocals
=
What the fuck is this shit?
19
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
The formula works
/
A growing fanbase
-
Too-loud background music
=
Nothing really remarkable here.
20
Drake (feat. Kanye West, Lil Wayne, & Eminem) - Forever
One of Eminem's best verses
-
Weezy and 'Ye embarrassing themselves
-
That FUCKING sound effect
=
Drake is way too cocky to be just starting out.
CURRENT HIT SONG FORMULAS
as of October 5, 2009
(Data from iTunes)
1
Miley Cyrus - Party In The U.S.A.
Wal-Mart overexposure
+
Nonsense lyrics
-
She's not old enough to go to a club!
=
Goddammit, this song is catchy.
2
Jason DeRulo - Whatcha Say
Rap Beats/Autotune
+
An actual melody
x
Imogen Heap
=
Finally something listenable on the radio.
3
Owl City - Fireflies
Great production
+
Awesome lyrics
x
Relient K connection
=
Music too good to be abused by mainstream.
4
Jay Sean (feat. Lil Wayne) - Down
I think I've heard this before
/
This sounds just like another song
/
Yeah, this has definitely been done
=
...How is this the #4 song?
5
Lady Gaga - Paparazzi
This song really isn't that bad
-
Jesus Christ, she is weird
/
I've seen it performed live
=
Never go to a Lady Gaga show.
6
Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling
Your mom's gonna love it
x
ABC
/
There's only one real verse
=
We make it so easy for people to get rich.
7
Jay-Z (feat. Rihanna & Kanye West) - Run This Town
A song that backs up the cockiness
+
Hella good production
/
Isn't he like 40 now?
=
A standout from the pack.
8
Iyaz - Replay
Looks like Chris Brown
-
Sounds like Sean Kingston
-
Sounds more like Jesse McCartney
=
Somebody stop this.
9
Mariah Carey - Obsessed
Synth hits
x
Eminem
/
Credibility
=
Who's telling the truth?
10
Jay-Z (feat. Alicia Keys) - New York State Of Mind
VMA hype
-
Lil Mama
/
5 Boroughs
=
Location love songs don't mean much to outsiders.
11
Glee Cast - Somebody To Love
Queen
+
High school choir
+
How many people are singing?
=
The Glee club sure got popular quickly.
12
Carrie Underwood - Cowboy Casanova
Bad guy
x
Girl power
x
Fiddles
=
Before He Cheats 2.0
13
Beyonce - Sweet Dreams
"Beautiful nightmare"
-
Eurhythmics
-
Beautiful
=
Nightmare.
14
Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me
Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you
+
And I'mma let you finish
+
But
=
This is one of the most satisfying chart rebounds of all time.
15
Michael Franti & Spearhead - Say Hey (I Love You)
American reggae
+
Catchy chorus
x
This is their 6th album?!
=
One of the best songs to come from nowhere in a long time.
16
Justin Beiber - One Time
Wait wait
x
Wait a minute
x
Wait just one damn minute
=
THIS IS A GUY?
17
Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody
Years in the business
x
Style of their own
/
Multiple radio outlet appeal
=
A lot of new Leon fans.
18
Shakira - She-Wolf
No vocal talent
+
Terrible melody
x
Drastically morphed vocals
=
What the fuck is this shit?
19
Lady Antebellum - Need You Now
The formula works
/
A growing fanbase
-
Too-loud background music
=
Nothing really remarkable here.
20
Drake (feat. Kanye West, Lil Wayne, & Eminem) - Forever
One of Eminem's best verses
-
Weezy and 'Ye embarrassing themselves
-
That FUCKING sound effect
=
Drake is way too cocky to be just starting out.
10.05.2009
EDITOR'S NOTE
Press A
by Justin Johnson
At an early age, we become fascinated by buttons. Think back to when you were a baby ("What is this in the middle of my tummy?", "How does Daddy make the pictures change on the TV?," etc.). Buttons were, at that point in our lives, magic. Buttons were intrigue and wonder. The simple push of a button could summon Grandma from one corner of her house to the front door when we came for a visit. A button press would entertain us for hours in front of whatever new toy we had gotten, as long as it made a silly sound or played a song. Buttons were magic.
The day of my fifth birthday, buttons became a part of my life that would change me forever. My parents gave me the Nintendo Entertainment System, and that day is forever the day I became a gamer. I can't say how it felt to power on the system and play Super Mario Bros. for the first time because, come on, I was five. I do, however, have vivid memories of playing certain games, reaching certain levels, having certain reactions, and certainly having a blast.
When I say I became a gamer that day, it's not a stretch. Over the course of the two decades that have followed that day, there have been 18 video game system purchases, and countless games bought between myself, my brother, and my parents. Thinking of the money that could have been saved is mind-boggling, so I just don't. Instead, I think of what those two red buttons on the NES controller changed about me.
From the onset, I became the kind of person that involved himself completely in the character. With the press of a button, I became that character, and mentally, I was in that world. I was the person on the screen, running through that pixelized world, and I am still that same kid today. Yes, the buttons have gotten more numerous since then; this only allows me to do more things that I can't do in real life. For me, buttons are my gateway to an escape. Being able to dive into these worlds at an early age made me more creative in reality, so today I'm able to think less linearly and rationally to create my own worlds, whether through art or writing or any other medium. I owe a big part of my personality to video games, and I can't owe video games anything without first owing buttons.
by Justin Johnson
At an early age, we become fascinated by buttons. Think back to when you were a baby ("What is this in the middle of my tummy?", "How does Daddy make the pictures change on the TV?," etc.). Buttons were, at that point in our lives, magic. Buttons were intrigue and wonder. The simple push of a button could summon Grandma from one corner of her house to the front door when we came for a visit. A button press would entertain us for hours in front of whatever new toy we had gotten, as long as it made a silly sound or played a song. Buttons were magic.
The day of my fifth birthday, buttons became a part of my life that would change me forever. My parents gave me the Nintendo Entertainment System, and that day is forever the day I became a gamer. I can't say how it felt to power on the system and play Super Mario Bros. for the first time because, come on, I was five. I do, however, have vivid memories of playing certain games, reaching certain levels, having certain reactions, and certainly having a blast.
When I say I became a gamer that day, it's not a stretch. Over the course of the two decades that have followed that day, there have been 18 video game system purchases, and countless games bought between myself, my brother, and my parents. Thinking of the money that could have been saved is mind-boggling, so I just don't. Instead, I think of what those two red buttons on the NES controller changed about me.
From the onset, I became the kind of person that involved himself completely in the character. With the press of a button, I became that character, and mentally, I was in that world. I was the person on the screen, running through that pixelized world, and I am still that same kid today. Yes, the buttons have gotten more numerous since then; this only allows me to do more things that I can't do in real life. For me, buttons are my gateway to an escape. Being able to dive into these worlds at an early age made me more creative in reality, so today I'm able to think less linearly and rationally to create my own worlds, whether through art or writing or any other medium. I owe a big part of my personality to video games, and I can't owe video games anything without first owing buttons.
10.04.2009
10.01.2009
BUTTON
Think of buttons.
They're a lot deeper than you think.
Perhaps you've got the buttons on your jacket or shirt in mind. Or, maybe you're thinking of some flair attached to your clothing or satchel.
But buttons are also what change the television channel and what dial a telephone number.
Buttons are silence. The phrase "button your lips" is an example.
Buttons help keep us warm.
They encompass our lives at every stage of development.
They are the silent connections we use to hide our nakedness from the world.
This month we're going to look at buttons in a tongue-and-cheek, but also serious manner as small but powerful things that control everything from Mario to missiles.
By the end of the month, we hope to have brought a greater awareness to the idea of buttons, where they fit into our society and how or why we need them.
We hope you enjoy.
They're a lot deeper than you think.
Perhaps you've got the buttons on your jacket or shirt in mind. Or, maybe you're thinking of some flair attached to your clothing or satchel.
But buttons are also what change the television channel and what dial a telephone number.
Buttons are silence. The phrase "button your lips" is an example.
Buttons help keep us warm.
They encompass our lives at every stage of development.
They are the silent connections we use to hide our nakedness from the world.
This month we're going to look at buttons in a tongue-and-cheek, but also serious manner as small but powerful things that control everything from Mario to missiles.
By the end of the month, we hope to have brought a greater awareness to the idea of buttons, where they fit into our society and how or why we need them.
We hope you enjoy.
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