POP ROOTS
Please excuse me for being human, but I'm a little passionate about this issue. You see, in vitro fertization is probably the greatest thing I've ever heard of. Mainly, because it believes that womyn get along just fine without men. And I'm definitely in favor of this.
In case you're not familiar with this technique, I'll flesh it out for you. Let's say you're a womyn. First, congratulations! You are officially an actual human being capable of love, emotions and common sense. Your brain isn't in your dick and your quite comparable with logical thought patterns and not blowing up helpless human beings on the other side of the planet.
Again, congratulations!
This means you never have to worry about meeting a man, going on dates, have him wine you and buy you nice things, believe him when he says he loves you, sit through a dick being shoved into you for about two minutes until he cums all inside and then have him leave you for a pretty seventeen year old.
None of that. You don't even need to feel the pregnancy. You can take drugs!
You see, my dear dear readers, I am very much in favor of this manless technique because it cuts down on 99 percent of womyn's unhappiness, which is, men. We have much better things to worry about. For example, watching Hillary Clinton bow to governmental phallus as a nation of dick worshippers pushes a six foot something tall penis into the White House. Thanks America for sucking Barack Obama's balls!
You see, in vitro fertilization means the end of this charade. With that said, it allows us to accomplish the next feat, which will no doubt save humynity as we know it.
You see, we have enough sperm frozen to continue the humyn race for years to come. And soon we'll have the ability to create sperm in the laboratory via humyn cloning. That said, let's take a look at the positive off-shoot of this.
We don't need men anymore. Now, I mean that in a metaphorical sense. I'm not going to through killing all men. That's what THEY would do. No. But we no longer need these bags of destructive juice we call scrotums because that's where all the problems START. With the in vitro fertilization of the world, men no longer need their scrotums and they can quickly be dealt with mandatory visits to the doctor.
No more wars! No more rapes! No more fucking Bill O'Reilly and his masculine misogynist agenda!
What's more, men can no longer hop in and out of your life and leave you with this huge mess of guilt, shame and what-not. They'll no longer be able to romanticize you by saying how much they enjoyed Jane Austen (even though you think she's mostly, and I hate this word, an egregious cunt...although I though Persuasion was nice) and found Judith Butler's gender criticism enthralling. They'll be able to become friends with your Nigerian adopted son and then leave him with a tear in his eye wondering where his male role model went. And they'll no longer be able to support you in your decision to take up a femininist column in a pop culture blog while they leave you not only high-and-dry in a Brooklyn apartment with nothing but a Skippo and Arm and Hammer in your apartment but then take up a rival column on the SAME blog and mask themselves under the unbelieveably ostentatious and utterly stupid psuedonym THE INFORMED OBSERVER!
That's right, Scott! You heard me world. His name is Scott Malamud and he's a two-timing, lying, son-of-a-bitch fucking whirl-a-fuck mother fucker!
And he, of anyone, DESERVES to have his balls cut off and thrown into the Hudson River.
I'm out.
So, you're a media messiah and a god to the world of golf, who plucked it out of a its stuffy country clubs and saved it from extinction in the minds of many outside its small circle. God complexes are hard to resist in this sense and Woods is no exception. He defaulted many times on the wedding day words said so many years ago and now not only he but golf teeters on his (and his publicists') ability to re-market him. Saying mea culpa will only get him so far, Tiger is going to have to reinvent himself as he reinvented the game he has mastered. How can you reinvent a fallen star who was promoted as a saint? How about encouraging him to live up to much of the advertising lionization that put him in this position? Woods has owned up to his own infedility, now he should look back and reconnected much of the misconnect between his actual life and the public image in which he was cast.
What a waste. The perfect image, nearly flawless. He was the quinessential everydayman with dirt under his fingernails and a vision for all of America regardless of caste or color. To his advantage was also his sweet southern drawl and his devotion to his wife even when she suffered from cancer. What a chance, right? Unfortunately, Edwards displayed his weakness in full public view cheating on his dear Elizabeth, which is bad enough in itself...but when she had cancer. Edwards is perhaps through on the political circuit, but perhaps there's still hope for him. Ironically on the coattails of his wife. Imagine the Edwards clan taking to church circuit, showing how infidelity can be overcome through Biblical priniciples, regular church attendance and...well, it's an idea. He could also check out The Surreal Life.
Just when we thought we could focus all our anger on Barry Bonds and his blatant disregard of the traditions of baseball. Traditions being that it's actually you who plays the game and not beefy arms curtesy of hefty doses of steriods. McGwire has demonstrated that one of the essential of baseball's rejuvenation in the late 90s, early 00s - the homerun race - was as much a farce as Bonds record-breaking lifetime homerun record. Is there any way McGwire can make for this aside from publically asking the his homerun record be stripped from the hall of fame? Nope.
Many don't remember Barenaked Ladies aside from "One Week" and maybe "Pinch Me", but they've amassed quite a following among those who favor the quirkiness of almost-popular music from the 90s. He was the other half of the perfectly harmonized duo alongside Ed Robertson. Is it right to say he dropped the ball? Isn't 20 years enough for a group? One wonders if Barenaked Ladies are really Barenaked Ladies without the duo. Their new album is most definitely a shift in energy and Page is pursuing his own solo album. Of course, one could compare it to the Blink 182 split-up. Interesting stuff came out of it, but the magic of the group was in its unity. Has Page ruined this by absconding? Is there greener grass to come? Most definitely and no.
