SURVIVAL TIPS

Baseball

with Kandees Johnson

OMG. I just got back from the baseball game and it was incredible. Like, I think you should totally go. I know you don't know that much about baseball, but it's so easy it's fucking incredible. I was sitting there right behind the dugout cause Jake from Sigma Alpha Theta got me tickets. He's an asshole but nevermind, he's still sorta cool that he got me and Jess tickets even though he was a total dick to Jess last Saturday. Anyway, baseball is really fucking super cool. We were there for about thirty minutes and I, like, would've stayed longer but I got this text that Amanda was running late from her internship and she needed someone to pick up the beer for the party tonight and whatever. So, I went but...

...anyway, the thing about Jake is that sometimes he can be a jerk, but sometimes he can be so soooo cool because I was talking to Mindy about it and, like, she's the only one I told that I slept with Jake three times and I'm the only one who knows that she blew him her first week at school so we're real good friends, you know. We've got each other's backs and stuff. So, I think he's this jerk sometimes but I think it's really how you take him because it's really just the way he has of being funny, you know? It's subtle. He's really smart. You have to really listen to him to get his humor and I love it....

...anyway, baseball was great because everybody's there and everybody's drinking and having a good time and you don't even have to pay attention to the game cause, like, it's a big party, you know?

OMG! I saw Bradley and Jenny there! They are SOOO CUTE! Yeah, so Bradley is actually on the baseball team at school and I think it's really cool that he goes with Jenny to the game and, just, explains to her what's going on. I love it! I went up to them and said hello and they were so cool and I told Bradley how much I loved baseball and I, like, I'm totally sikked to be here at the game and he was cool and said it's cool and I asked him where Jake was or if Jake was here and he said he didn't know...so...

...so, I like haven't heard from Jake and I really want him to call me back because, like....*sniff*...like...*sniff*...I'm sorry...like...we hooked up the other night and he, you know, he didn't have a condom, so I was worried that...you know...but, like, he said it would be cool. He would pull out and I, like, know that's a stupid idea and I feel, like, so stupid, but...he's just so cool and...he's really sweet sometimes and...*sniff* *sniff*...I'm really sorry it's just...you know? What if I'm, you know...you know?! What if I am? Like, I won't be able to go out anymore and I don't believe in abortion because I'm, like, a conservative sort of but I still voted for Barack Obama cause I'm really down with equal rights, you know? And...I don't know...like...

...

...baseball, you know, it's cool. You should really go watch a game...*sniff*...