THE HEALTHY BUTTES

A new segment in ERGO Magazine's always-increasing repertoire, The Healthy Buttes is a monthly health column by The Butte family to answer questions to a health topic related to this month's theme.

Hi, the Butte family here! We're all feeling fantastic today, as usual. Right, gang?

RIGHT!!!

That's a nice simultaneous response! I'm Frank Butte and we'd like to welcome you to this month's column where we'll be talking about what, gang?

BREATHING!!!

Thanks guys, but before we get started. Let me introduce everybody. Starting with my beautiful wife!

Thanks, Frank. Well, I'm Sylvia. I love to exercise. I just quit smoking and since then I've been exercising every day eight times a day. I feel great! Really great! I just quit smoking! I feel GREAT!

Thanks, Sylvia! Next, let me introduce our three lovely adopted children. Say hello, Tammy!

Hi!

Say hello, Pammy!

Hi!

Say hello, Jammy!

I don't like my name.

Jammy...

Hi...

Attaboy! And last but not least is Elaine, Sylvia's mother.

HAPPY TO BE HERE! WOOO!

Elaine, why are you so excited?!

Well, me and my good friend Marge are planning to do a speed walk from Maine to Miami at the end of this month...or whenever she gets done fooling around with her husband's hot air balloon.

All right! Thanks, Elaine. Now, let's get down to it. There's just one thing we want to discuss today and that's breathing: how breathing can not only improve your health, but how improved breathing can do what, Sylvia?

Quit smoking! Uh...I mean, improve your life.

There we go. Now, we're going to focus on a simple exercise everybody can do. We really want to concentrate on taking deep breaths in and out. Let's try that everybody, shall we? In....and out....in....and out...

WOOOO!

Elaine!

Sorry. Just had to let it out!

Jesus...Anyway...you can do this whenever you feel stress. It helps lower your blood pressure... not to mention your stress. Isn't that great? I think I'll do that now. In...out...in...out...okay, I'm good now. Let's ask these incredibly cute kids in front of me to tell you about our other rule for healthy breathing. Tammy?

In through the nose!

Yep! Pammy?

Out through the mouth!

Right-O! Jammy?

I don't want to...

Ahem...Jammy?...

I don't want to...

Goddammit Jammy you better do this right. I can unsign those papers as quickly as I signed them and you're back to the Flominican Republic of Haiti or wherever you're from. You're the only one not pulling your weight around here and it's really starting to piss me off, do you understand me? So...Jammy?

In the nose...out the mouth...it's as easy as...

...ahem...

...as sauerkraut.

All right! Thank you, Jammy! Well, there you go! Thank you for joining us. We'll be back next month with another simple tip to improve your health. We're The Healthy Buttes and we hope you have a...what, gang?

BUTTE-TEE-FULL DAY!!!