RECIPE OF THE MONTH CLUB

Welcome again to the ERGO Magazine’s Recipe of the Month Club where we invite a very special guest to come share one of their favorite dishes. This month: media darling Perez Hilton is going to teach us how to make Pigs in a Blanket.



Hola, my name is Mario Armando Lavandeira. I am an admirer of fine wine, women and cigars. You may know me best as Perez Hilton, Gay celebrity gossip blogger, but that is just a persona. For years I have paraded around as a fanny man, and though it has succeeded in making me moderately wealthy this ruse is becoming increasingly harder to maintain.

At an after party for the Much Music Awards I was accosted by Will.I.am from the BLACK EYED PEAS. I called him a “f**king f*ggot” because that is what you call someone when they act like a f**king f*ggot. This was the last thing anyone would expect to hear from a supposed champion of gay rights and former employee of GLAAD. It’s time I told the truth, and I can think of no better way to OUT myself than on one of my favorite blogs. Unfortunately, Wall Street Journal's Law Blog didn't want anything to do with me. The guys at ERGO made me a generous offer, with one condition. I have to show you how to make Pigs in a Blanket. Here are the ingredients:

INGREDIENTS

• 1 package Pillsbury crescent dough
• 1 package cocktail wieners

"Some opt to use whole sausages, cutting it into 4 inch pieces then in half, down the middle. Using packaged wieners just makes more sense to me, and a whole lot safer. You may also want to keep some milk on hand. You can brush it over the dough to keep it from cracking in the oven. Remember, the trick is to keep things malleable. No one wants to chew on a shriveled-up wiener in a hard bun… Mierda, I wanted to try and do this with as little innuendo as possible."

DIRECTIONS

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

"Truth be told, I am far from a maricón. In Miami I was a notorious ladies man, a connoisseur of culo… No, perhaps that wasn’t the best phrasing."

• Flatten the crescent dough one at a time until they are about 1/2 inch thick. Cut the dough into triangles about 1 1/2 inches long at base and 2 inches tall. Lay the wiener on the wide end and roll up. Put them on a baking sheet.

"Here's where you would want to lightly brush the dough with milk."

• Bake for 9-10 minutes or until dough is golden brown.

"These are best served with a dipping sauce. My mama has the recipe for this spicy mustard sauce she brought over from Cuba. Fergie and I would come slinking out of the bedroom, shaky- legged, after a long weekend of raucous love-making, and I'd whip-up some of these little piggies with the sauce. We'd eat and laugh until our sides were soar. That was a different time then; before that perra Polo Molina punched me, before I was a left-wing nut-job. No pun intended."

Thanks for sharing, Perez! Come see us next month for another delicious dish from another celebrity guest star. Only at ERGO Magazine's Recipe of the Month Club.