Today is Thursday, and today we're gonna be talkin' about Science! Because it's my Science Corner, and in this corner, ding ding ding, is the PEEAANUTTTT BUTTTTTTERRRR KIDDDDD!!!I'm a boxer.
I was listenin' to Mom the other day when I was in the Time-Out Chair, and she was talkin' on the phone to Aunt Carla. Aunt Carla's got a new boyfriend, and I think they're gonna get married, 'cuz Mom was yellin' a lot and smiling. I think she cried, too. I saw Kleenex in the trash can, like the ones when Dad doesn't come in till late. But she was askin' all these things about a ring, and then she was talkin' about carrots. When she saw me lookin' she said I could go play, so I went to Kevin's room. He's my big brother, and sometimes he yells at me when I push buttons on his Xbox, but he's nice most times. So Kevin says, "Aunt Carla's gettin' married? Aw man, that means we gotta get dressed up and eat little food." Kevin got choked on a pimento cheese sammich at our cousin's wedding last summer. I just thought it was yucky.
I asked Kevin why Aunt Carla's boyfriend gave her carrots, and he said "God, you're so stupid. She didn't get carrots like rabbits eat. He gave her a ring. They're carats. That's how big a ring is. They tell by how many carats it is."
He flicked a booger at me. He missed me. I left his room and went back to where Mom was in the kitchen. She wasn't talkin' on the phone anymore. She was just standin' there lookin' at her hand. I said, "Hey Mom, how many carrots did Dad give you?" She said, "Plenty," and went to her room.
I waited 'til Dad came home. His shirt was undone when he got in. "Hey buddy!" He says that to me all the days he comes home. I like it. "Dad, how many carrots did Mom get in her ring?" I said. He said, "Well buddy, she got one. We couldn't afford much more, since we were planning for Kevin's arrival. What's got you talking about carats?" "Mom was talking to Aunt Carla, and her boyfriend's giving her carrots too. I think a bunch." He got real sad looking. "Well, let's just be happy for Aunt Carla then!" He smiled at me and said, "Carats are the measurement used in weighing diamonds. One carat is equal to 200 milligrams, or .2 grams. The word "carat" comes from the carob bean, which is how they used to weigh gemstones in the past. We also use karats, with a K, to measure the purity of gold. And - guess what, there's even a symbol on a computer keyboard called a carat. It's just above the six. It looks like the top part of an arrow pointing up. We use that symbol in math, to show an exponent's use. Wow, son, you look bored. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ramble. But hey, now you know what all the uses of carats are!" Then he laughed and looked at the floor. "I'd better go talk to your mother."
There's four different carrots? Grown-ups are weird.
See you next time on
SCIEEENNNNNNNNNNCE CORRRRNNNERRRRRRRR!!!
1 comment:
That kid's weird.
Post a Comment