EDITOR'S NOTE

Rhythm Nation
by Nick Hilbourn


I don't believe I've lived a particularly reckless life.

I've never been addicted to any drug except caffeine and I've never committed a federal offense (unless you count peeing against the side of post office when I was in elementary school). Yet, I've noticed that certain elements of my life are slipshod, out of place. My emotions (or lack thereof) and my wandering mind have always gotten me into trouble. Reining them in hasn't exactly worked. Often, I don't feel in control of myself or mind. In fact, they feel like two separate entities and maybe they are, but I need them to work together. They just won't. Or, it seems they can't.

What is the fifth element I'm missing within me? What is the secret ingredient that makes everything run smoothly, that (to be blunt) would make me "happy"?

When I say "happy", I mean something else. I don't know if happiness is something that can be achieved, rather something that can be recognized. I believe we need sadness alongside happiness to differentiate between the two (of course, I'm a bit of a melancholic so perhaps this is the reason I say this). But, again, I'm not talking about happiness. It's satisfaction, contentment that I'm referring to. Those are things I think you need in life.

I've talked to homeless people, rich people, vagabonds and late-night convenience store clerks who have all been content. They have it. You can tell because you feel it when you're with them.

I feel like that thing is rhythm.

Rhythm is what keeps us from tumbling into oblivion. Rhythm is what you lose when you delve into addiction of any sort. Of course, addiction is also a sort of rhythm. So, maybe I'm referring to healthy rhythm, a self-actualizing rhythm. And I don't mean routine. Rhythm can sometimes give that impression. Rhythm is not routine. Routine is elevator music, but rhythm is a dance beat; the kind that sticks in your head days after; or a song that you heard years ago that brings you back to equanimity with the first note, the first beat.

It's something you both create and awake into.

What I want is rhythm. Even more, what I want is to want rhythm.