SURVIVAL TIPS

Sharks












with Ernie Dewayne Glubbs


I'm not goin in the water.
There's stupid sharks in there and I don't care what Dad says I'm not goin in the water.
You don't believe me? 67 people are killed by sharks EVERY year. I looked it up on the internet. I'm not bein killed by a stupid shark.
Besides, I didn't even want to come to Florida. It's so stupid. There's no good LAN connection for Warcraft and I've almost got enough experience points to move up to a level 6. So, basically, it's all going to waste so my parents can get away from the snow.
This is so stupid.
I don't wanna be here.
There's nothing to do except stare at the water and watch the sharks swim around. I told Mom there were sharks and she said "No, there's no sharks" but I told her there was. I said if they go swimming they're gonna get eaten by a shark. They're really pale and I said that's what sharks love are shiny things and since they're really pale the sharks are gonna think they're an earring or something and eat them. That's what I read on the internet.
Yesterday, Dad tried to get me to go play putt-putt, but I didn't wanna go. So, he told me there was an Atlanta Bread Company with an internet connection. So I went, but it was, like, the processing speed of a turtle and it took ten minutes just to bring your e-mail up. It was so stupid.
You can't play Warcraft with that kind of processing speed.
So, there was nothing to do and I played stupid Putt-Putt.
Dad beat me. I knew he would. It took me, like, ten minutes to get the first hole done and Dad even tried to do it for me. I know when I'm being pandered to. It took forever to finish the game. And it was hot, too. We went out for ice cream after which was cool, but then he tried to get me to tell him about what was goin on in school but I didn't want to.
I hate this stupid place. I wish I was back in Ohio in front of my computer.
My parents won't even believe me about the sharks. Well, fine. I hope they get eaten. Both of them.
I think I see one now anyway...

Oh wait, that's a boat.

I hate this place.