SURVIVAL TIPS

Grilling Safety with Don Imus

Summertime is perfect grilling weather. The sun's out, you're hot and there's nothing you want more than a nice juicy hot dog.
Yeah, a nice, long piece of meat.
Watch out!
You're gonna have to cook enough for the whole Rutgers women's basketball team.
OH! IMUS! YOU'RE ON FIRE!
Seriously, you've got to watch yourself because carelessness can lead to major accidents. I've had my fair share of grillings and I can tell you that it's no picnic if you're unprepared.

First, you gotta watch that lighting fluid. Put on just enough, but know when to stop. There's nothing more dangerous than adding fuel to a fire. Use quality charcoal as well. I prefer the darker lumps. Maybe a few Rutgers women's basketball players.
OH! AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? OH! SO FIRE!

Stoking the fire is a good idea as long as you're moving the coals around. You don't want your burgers burnt to a crisp, but you do want the grill to be seething, enough to turn them brown. At least keep it hot enough to burn the smug off that pissant Howard Stern. Anybody get a load of this Jew bastard frolicking through his undeserved radio fame like Librace in the Dallas Cowboys' locker room? I'd like to grill his weenie a LONG time.

What I mean by that is I want to cut it off, not that I want to touch his weenie. I bet he doesn't even have a weenie. By the way, don't go telling people I like weenies. I don't.

Anyway, keep a lid on the fire when it starts getting big. You don't want sparks jumping out and starting trouble on your lawn or in your hair. Be extra careful if you have extra greasy hair. I'm not being racist here, just giving a bit of information to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. I've seen those guys up close and they have enough oil up there to run a bus from the Rutgers women's basketball team locker room to the liquor store and back maybe two or three times.
However long it takes - you know what I'm saying, fellas?
OH, OH! THAT'S A TWO-FER! IMUS YOU'RE SMOOTH LIKE A STICK OF BUTTER! FIRE!

Lastly, make sure the meat is done. A lot of cooks tend to be really lazy when it comes to the actual act of cooking. The outside is brown, but the inside is pink and probably poisonous. I don't want to know what kind of disease you could catch by eating something brown and poisonous. Know what I'm saying, fellas? Eh? Eh?

C'mon, you know it's funny. Just laugh you stupid bastard.