THE INFORMED OBSERVER

The Informed Observer does not necessarily reflect the views of ERGO Magazine.

No Clothes, No Service
Nudism and the liberal scheme to ruin the children of America

I'm all for a balanced viewpoint, but let's be honest: last month's post by that man-hating, hairy pitted (probably), yuppie Indigo Girl-wannabe going by the name of "The Man Sogynist" was a little off the deep end. I'm not going to attack the frivolity of her as a pundit for...what? Women's cardigans? No, that's too easy! I'm talking something much to sinister. And I quote...

Fight back. A change has to occur. We came close with Hillary, but America wasn't ready yet. So, we have to MAKE them ready. We have to show them that until they change this sexist buttoning system we're buying zippered clothing, seamless clothing. We could even have a NUDE MARCH on Washington D.C. to demonstrate how sick we are of being treated like objects, like lesser-thans. (ERGO Magazine, October 2009)

But before we start burning our bras and sling-shooting our Speedos, I've gotta wax a little truth: nudism doesn't just mean no clothes; it means the end of America and I've got a laundry list of problems that need a light of justice thrown over their shady suggestions. Interested? I thought so. Read on.

First, dear informed reader, there's a reason we wear clothes. I don't care if you think it's because you Eve bit the apple or an ape developed a brain, we wear clothes because nudity IS meant to be a personal shin-dig. You do it in your own home, in your shower and the bedroom. Now all those nay-saying hippies that argue in favor of stripping to their skin and flaunting around in some European resort won't like that. They'll say, 'Don't preach to me! I can do what I want!'

You know, sometimes I question giving the First Amendment to everyone.

Let me be clear, I'm not saying people can't do what they want. If you want to drag your family into some depraved social experiment for the benefit of seeing a bunch of dangling parts that should've been covered up twenty years ago, then be my guest. I'll withhold my personal opinion that folks who trudge into places like that proudly displaying potato-sack titties that drag the ground and flap jobbies that swing like porch screen doors.

Do what you want. It's a free country. Of course. That's all I preach. Naturally, I have my own ideas that if your pubic area looks like a briar patch and you've got an ass like an owl hanging from a slingshot, then put some clothes on! Actually, most of the pictures from nudist colonies I've looked at feature pot-bellied Bigfoot look-a-likes that have NEVER heard of the wonder of Nair Hair Removal.

Of course, this is all just my opinion. No need to take that as gospel. Of course, I have had phone conversations with some of the top talk-radio pundits...on the air conversations. But that's no reason to take my opinion. How about a little truth serum. You ready for this? Careful. If you're into butt-naked beach combing, you may want to advert your eyes from THE TRUTH.

Let's broach the elephant in the room, shall we? (Interesting that the elephant stands for the truth...the opposite would be a JACK ASS.) Nudist colonies post their pics online. Now, this would be fine by me. After all, it's just whack-mag material then. But, these retreats are for families and if you don't get where this rollercoaster is going, let me smack you in the face with it: KIDS ARE PART OF FAMILIES -> KIDS ARE NAKED IN THESE PICTURES -> NAKED KID PICTURES = CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.

I don't care if you're allowing them to express themselves freely.
One look at those pics of your little ones with their small parts showing and
Lance Handsy-Pants has free reign to express himself freely all over them. Take 'em out for an ice cream and a game of Doctor.


DON'T GROAN. THIS IS THE UNADULTERATED TRUTH.

And hey, if you don't like it, go back to Bill Maher and his Home Bitch Office channel to hear him push the sordid liberal agenda for sex in the streets with men who might be women and women who might be men.

After all, that's who's really behind this. Liberal government officials with their pumpkin spice mochas, falling all over this "be free, be naked sentiment" simply because it's got a hot trot in Europe. Oh, didn't know that? Yeah, quick history lesson Nancy Naivete: nudism originated in Germany prior to the first World War.

That's right. Germany. What else came out of Germany? Oh, I don't know. Sauerkraut, Karl Marx and

NAZIS.

So, if you want to get behind a social movement that originated in the same scum pond as the Nazis, be my guest.

But listen, if you're still up in arms about my no-clothes diatribe, ask yourself this:

Do you really think this man should ever be seen naked?


Don't give in, reader. Fight the power, educate yourself, know the truth.

This is The Informed Observer signing out.